Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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