they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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