this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
