How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
