Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
