I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
