I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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