I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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