So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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