I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need moral support for this bender
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
