OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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