You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
