Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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