How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love having hate sex.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
