new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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