I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
