FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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