i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
