wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
