he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
