you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
