The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
