You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
