She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
