Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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