I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ttyl tear gas
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
