Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
