You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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