I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
