Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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