I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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