If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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