I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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