Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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