No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
