i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
