You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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