if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
