I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
