Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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