I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
