That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if only i could text you this smell
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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