did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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