I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
