I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Two words: nipple clamps
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