I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
