piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
