She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
