He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
