So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
