Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
from now on my penis is your penis
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
