8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
