he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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