I'm going to jail i love you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
