apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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