the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
