He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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