Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
