is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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